February is supposed to be the month of love. I have learned a lot about love in the past week and really in the past nine months. I have learned that love can be hard. I know I had heard this a hundred times by family members, friends, and people in my church, but I think sometimes we have to live through things to really comprehend the reality of it.
Last week, I was having some serious mood swings (you know the kind I’m talking about ladies), and I kind of lost my cool on Brandon. One of my top pet peeves or should I say control issues is with time management. I very much dislike being late or having something change my schedule last minute, so poor Brandon was running a little behind getting ready in the morning (we have been ridding together to save money on gas), and I exploded on him. I said things that although they may have been true, should not have been spoken in that way or really maybe ever mentioned aloud at all. It is strange how when you first let those kind of things out it feels so good, but the second your mind connects with what you just said you wish you could stuff all those words back in your mouth and swallow hard.
I will say it is probably the first vocal argument Brandon and I have had. It was loud at least for us it was. And I will say that the ride to work was one of the longest and most silent ever. Thankfully, I am not on my own when I have made a mistake. I have the Holy Spirit who immediately started to convict me of my wrong doing. And let me tell you, I fought that conviction all the way until two minutes before I had to drop Brandon off at his classes. Amazingly, God also blessed me with a very forgiving husband, who accepted my apology and even gave me a kiss and smile before he left (and meant it).
I know that Corinthians 13 is a very famous love passage, but I was really thinking more about what it says about love.
“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres
– 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
I think I pretty much did the opposite of all of the things listed above when I let my emotions and my selfishness control me instead of the Holy Spirit. God has called all those who follow him to a life of righteousness, is this easy…not at all. But it is achievable if we listen to the Holy Spirit instead of our desires. I have been praying about this a lot since I was married. I don’t think I even realized how selfish I was until I got married. God definitely can use marriage as a way to show us where we need growth.
I am excited about Valentine’s Day this year, not because it is going to be super romantic like a girly movie, but because I have the chance to love and spoil a man who shows me the kind of love that Christ has offered me. One that is filled with forgiveness and second chances. Ladies let’s remember this this valentine’s day; that love is not just a feeling or a romantic endeavor, it is meant to be so much more. It is meant to be a commitment that is filled with forgiveness and a desire to serve.
Happy Valentine’s Day! XOXO